I went to a cocktail party last night. when asked what I do for a living, I told the host that I am an advisor to the queen of england on all matters of toiletry. it seems that the queen wants to become more independent in the art of toiletry, including knowing how wipe her own bottom, rather than having servants do it for her. it’s dirty job but someone’s gotta do it. after I told the story, I felt bad about not having taken advantage of my license. man, I should have made something up instead of telling the truth! anyway, when the party was over, I got out my magic wand and converted myself into a swan so that I could fly home in style. I was clearly aburd. ( that’s what my license says: “clearly aburd” thanks b.o.l.m. for giving me the permission and magical power to fly home instead of taking the subway!